Sunday, 31 August 2008

Time 2

Time slips away like water through my palms. I try to cling onto the best of times, but I do not seem to realise that those are just memories. What is important is what I do today, to try and strive for a better tomorrow. And I must also believe that tomorrow will be better than today, no matter how sweet or how painful today is.

I feel time ticking at my heart. Sometimes fast and sometimes slow, it is hard to believe that we constantly are moving through it. Every second is precious and yet we waste so much. We believe in hiding away, behind something that is 'productive' and yet makes us miserable.

Ultimately time will run out for all of us one day. Our existence has a beginning and an end. There is no escaping this fact. How we deal with our own existence remains a consequence of time...


And on a separate note, a little shout out to a few people:

Thank you!

Saturday, 30 August 2008

The Vlog365 Project and CWFF

Unlike America, Vlogging, hell, blogging has not really taken off in the UK. The Internet is seen as something geeky, still, something to be a bit ashamed of. A uniquely British concept, to be ashamed of something that we use everyday for our own essential use!

Anyways, I digress. If you have not check it out, why not?

The Vlog 365 Project!

Click on the above link! Watch and learn. It is a fantastic project that has really captured the imagination, and I believe it is a first in British internet history. To vlog, everyday for a year.

There are other year long vlog projects going on youtube. To name a couple of my favourites:


It is a toughie to do, and a year long commitment can be hard, but the value is immense. A year of the highs and lows of people's lives, recorded...

One of the many Vlogs on Vlog365


In addition, the Canary Wharf FIlm Festival is up and running so be there! I will be down tomorrow for the music vids and most importantly, the Documentaries! I hope to see you there, ad if s, come up and say hi.

(Nearest tube Canary Wharf (Jubilee) / West India Quay (Docklands Light Railway).

Friday, 29 August 2008


Sometimes we spend our time productively. Either we are physically maintaining ourselves or we are shouldering our share of responsibility. We are aware that the actions we are doing now are directly going to have a positive impact on out future. Than there are times that we completely waste our lives. We watch TV or sit in traffic. Then there are ambiguous times. They are not directly going to help us in any material or moral sense. We will not learn nor will we be satisfied by the experience. But it is those moments that the soul grows. We feed our bodies nutritious foods, we feed our minds a wealth of information but what do we feed our existences? In the rush-all world of today, we sometimes forget to realise that we are only human and sometimes it is important to take a step back from the world and breathe...

Thursday, 28 August 2008

One year on from our first Film Festival

Just over a year ago, I experienced my very first acceptance at the Canary Wharf Film Festival. It has been quite a roller coaster year since then, but that festival marked a significant transition point in my life as a film maker. Up until then, I was receiving a 100% rejection rate in the film industry. Slammed doors, and two fingers were the order of the day. It has not got much better, now on a 95% rejection rate. But the changes that have happened in the last year have been significant. CWP has grown from strength to strength surpassing all my expectations and becoming my biggest project to date.

I have been invited back to the Canary Wharf Film Festival this year. Not in terms of my films, but I have been given the honour of saying a few words to this year's film makers. I obviously feel way out of my depth and I suppose the reality is that I am still a struggling film maker, trying to make something in what is a very hostile business. However, it has been a significant year. In addition to appearing on a vast range on media outlets and getting into film festivals across London, we had our first taste of Cannes, and most significantly, we have received our first sponsor. We may not be rolling in the dough, but we are slowly on the way there, improving all the time and can really say that we are in a better position than we were a year ago. But it has not been easy getting this far, and there is still a long way to go!

In addition, we are also in the top 100 'Most Viewed Comedians' on Youtube today. So what are you waiting for, click! CWP's Youtube Page.

However, all of this started from one place and today I go back there. The Canary Wharf Film Festival. And I hope some of you can join me down there this year - I am sure there is going to be a great selection of films to choose from!

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

'Unforgettable' - the article

On Sunday I was lucky and Blessed to be invited along to the Millenium Dome to experience the Unforgettable show. And yes, it was a spectacular event! A shame it was a one off, but personally I believe that this is not the last time that the UK will host a great event from the best of Bolywod.

And so, I wrote an article on OMNI to prove my point:

Click here to read the Unforgettable article!


Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Vlog365 - The Quiet Vlog

Shh - it's a silent vlog today.

The quietest vlog in the world...ever!

Shh, its message is powerful yet distinct in subtleness.

Hush, silence is golden...

The quietest VLog ever!

Monday, 25 August 2008

The Unforgettable Tour hits London

At the last minute the radio sow was cancelled. Well, it was all in good faith - it was for an unforgettable moment at the Millennium Dome. The great Bollywood fest - Unforgettable - hit town and it was, well, simply unforgettable. The presentation (ie video screens) was not top notch, but the performances on stage from the Big Stars right down to the dancers and musicians were simply the best. You cannot fault Indians for their style, their exuberance or their rich and diverse entertainment heritage. Quite simply, a fantastic night and I am sure, this is not the last time that such a show will be shown in the UK...

And of course, thanks to NuSound for wangling me a ticket ;-)

Any readers who have not got a clue about Indian cinema, then educate yourselves. You cannot live in this world and ignore its biggest entertainment producer.

Sunday, 24 August 2008

No Radio today

Just a quick blog. There is no radio show today. Why? Well, I'll tell you in tomorrow's blog...

Saturday, 23 August 2008

Winter is here

It may be a deceptively sunny morning here in London, but it is official, winter is here. I have a personal barometer and it happens on my bicycle. As a night duty guy, I have the pleasure of cycling back in the morning. This morning is not going to be a blog about the joy of cycling, but the chills of cycling. It was bloody freezing and my fingers nearly fell off on the way home. I do have bad circulation in the hands anyway, but with a pair of gloves, everything is tickety boo.

But wait a minute. It's still August, right? So why the hell would I need gloves. Come to think of it, how did I manage to cycle back with a jacket on for ten miles?

Well, summer is now over, this is as good as it gets. Open your arms to winter time!

Friday, 22 August 2008

Crossings over the River Thames - no, scratch that. Edinburgh 3: Crossings over the Firth of the Forth

A slight, northern detour from my usual wanderings down the River Thames, I decided this year to fulfil part three of the Edinburgh fantasy and instead jaunt off to South Queensferry, the home of the Forth Bridge and the much less impressive (and structurally deficient) Forth Road Bridge.

Of course, I was under the illusion that South Queensferry was a stone's throw from the centre of Edinburgh. How wrong I was. And this is the sticking point. I had decided to walk to the Forth Bridge. I discovered that Edinburgh is not as small as it makes itself out to be...also, while the Forth is pretty easy to get to, South Queensferry isn't.

But I am a stupid person. Instead of jumping in a taxi or heading towards the nearest bus stop, I decided to press on by foot. Armed with a 'tourist map' of Edinburgh, I used what knowledge I had of the city and realised that I had to head off in a North Westerly direction to get to the bridges. And it was a long way to walk.

The walk itself passed through some really pretty parts of Edinburgh as I in a zigzag motion in the rain, navigated my way to South Queensferry. And it was at this point that my resolve hardened. I was going to reach the Forth no matter what. And I had a show to catch at 5.30pm. As always I set put late, but if I was going to make it, I had to continue. After all, this was only a day rip to Edinburgh and I may never get to see this again.

In the end I followed Cycle Route 1 to get to Queensferry. And man, was this the long way round to get there. With the usual British Climate in full swing as well, it was not the pleasantest of walks. Hours I trudged through suburb and fields until, round the corner, I caught a glimpse of a familiar structure...

It was just after 3pm, and I had to get back to Central Edinburgh by 5.30pm. Spurred on, I went for it. Pig headed and determined to get to see this marvel across the Forth. Incidentally, if I actually got to Queensferry, then it would mark the furthest north that I have ever been on this globe. Onwards and northwards!

The bridge loomed closer ad the time ticked away. The rain came and went and still no sign of the town. Suddenly a sign...

And it was round a corner, through some trees and finally, I heard the rumble of a train. I looked up and saw my final destination!

Now, this is geeky, but magnificent. To be honest, I am happy to admit that I am a complete geek for making this to be one of my Edinburgh fantasies. But wen you stand beside this bridge and gaze upon it, I defy you not to be astounded by its size and its beauty (even with all the scaffolding). After over a hundred years, this structure still stands strong, a testament to superb engineering. And this bridge is still in use, regularly carrying trains over the Forth, and is probably set to do so well after I pass away.

As I mentioned, Queensferry has marked the furthest north that I have travelled on the Earth. Edinburgh may not be that far north in the grand scheme of the world (Latitude: 55° 57' 0 N, Longitude: 3° 12' 0 W) but it is a point for me. As I begun the long journey south into the city, I took one last look back at this grandest of destinations...

Thursday, 21 August 2008

El Director loves his bicycle!

Most of the readers of this blog are not cyclists. Not in any conventional way, such as going to work, to the shops or going out. Most people, the Londoners in particular, rely on public transport to get from A-B and a few of the rich ones rely on their cars. However, I am a big bicycle fan, especially for anything upto an hours cycling, which includes my workplace, ten miles from where I live.

Cyclists in London are given a bad press, and who can blame the general public. We're slow, we take up valuable road space and we have a general disregard to any traffic rules. But fuck it, cycling is so much more freer than driving in a car. In the rush hour, I am guaranteed to beat anything on four wheels and more to the point I save twofold. Firstly on petrol costs and secondly on gym membership.

All right, cycling is not for the faint hearted, and yes, while I am quite happy to take my chances from Croydon to Trafalgar Square, as a driver of a double decker, I also know the stupidity of other road users. And London really does have inadequate infrastructure for cyclists, especially when compared to the Low Countries, Germany and France. Hell, even Slovenia is a Mecca for cyclists in comparison to dowdy England. And the shocker is that cycling is on the rise in London, despite all of this. Politicians, anyone in power. We need better facilities. And for starters that means decent cycle lanes, not marred by parked cars and that do not suddenly end at the foot of dual carriageway. Also, more places to lock up our bikes would be nice!

However, it is not all doom and gloom in London. The LCN will provide something, although its quality really does vary from borough to borough. For every Tower Hamlets or Kingston Upon Thames (fan-flippin-tastic) there is a Sutton or Richmond (plain-bloody-awful). What is really needed is a message to motorists. A cyclist is essentially a road-based pedestrian. You wouldn't try to kill a person walking in the street so why try to do the same for a cyclist. Knock us down, and we are probably going to get killed.

And for the cyclists out there, don't be scared. You need to be a bit brave when cycling in London town. It's a jungle out there, but like the apes coming down from the trees, we are the future...

And isn't Kay the coolest!

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

A few facts about me

I was roaming the blogging world, something I have not done in a few days, and came across this gem on the Girl's blog.

(And if you don't know who she is, then you've got to stay in more)

So here is a list, a few things about me!

1. My uncle once: Drank stagnant water. In fact he had to do that a number of times as a result of the war in Sri Lanka. He is still alive and healthy!

2. Never in my life: Have I been on the inside of a film school.

3. When I was five: I wanted to be an astronaut on Mars. Then I realised that I would have to be good at maths.

4. High (Secondary) school was: Crap. To this day I use none of the 'skills' taught to me from my education. A waste of the first 18 years of my life.

5. I will never forget: 8th April 1997

6. Once I met: John Prescott. In passing.

7. There’s this girl I know: And who I would like to know better.

8. Once, at a bar: My friend vomitted on another friend. Put me off drink after that.

9. By noon, I’m usually: Sleeping. It's the night-shifts.

10. Last night: I was driving the Night Bus.

11. If only I had: Money...What else am I going to reply to this? Love, Faith, Hope? Please, I'm a Londoner first and a Human Being second.

12. Next time I go to church: it will probably be Saturday, if I am good.

13. What worries me most: Is that I would have wasted the best years of my life on a pipe dream called film making.

14. When I turn my head left I see: Sofa.

15. When I turn my head right I see: Sofa (ah - the advantage of a laptop!)

16. You know I’m lying when: I ***** ** ********. If you know me, then it is easy to tell. If you don't then it is difficult to spot.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: Ducks.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Mercutio. I blame Baz Luhrmann for that one.

19. By this time next year: I will be earning a living from my films and hopefully be onto shooting my second feature.

20. A better name for me would be: El Director!

21. I have a hard time understanding: Other people's points of view.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: never go back to school.

23. You know I like you if: I stare at your tits.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: Mama. Closely followed by Oli.

25. Take my advice, never: take the easy option.

26. My ideal breakfast is: Curry. Something meaty. Then sex.

27. A song I love but do not have is: 'I like Milk' a yet to be penned number by Nick Peck.

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: take out a small mortgage. London costs ya!

29. Why won’t people: smile.

30. If you spend a night at my house: prepare to spend it awake...

31. I’d stop my wedding for: a divorce.

32. The world could do without: the British climate.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat one.

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: I am not really a blonde kind of a guy. Sorry, Black hair is my thing.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: staples?

36. If I do anything well it’s: writing. Man, that's really vain.

37. I can’t help but: pick my nose.

38. I usually cry: never. It is a really bad thing and there is a lot of pent up emotion here.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: live YOUR life!

40. And by the way: Lick the Bottle!

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

my mother has made a vlog?!

It had to happen sooner or later. Last month she got a computer and now she is online, vlogging!


Monday, 18 August 2008

CWP - The Crossroads

I have been working on the idea of CWP for aboutfive years, and it was two years ago that I wrote the first draft for the script. When I wrote the initial script, there were three things that I had in my mind. Firstly, I wanted to have a speeding Pizza Delivery Man on a moped. Secondly, a big Bollywood Styled song on the virtues of milk. And thirdly, a kiss on a rooftop. These elements today still stand in the current version of the script that has continuously been rewritten since I first began. When I also wrote the script, I had the images of the two main characters in my mind. Jay was a moody artist and Kay was a zany postman. Their characters are essentially the same as when I first wrote the script, although what they get upto has changed since the first write-up.

I wrote CWP after making my first feature, An East End Tale, partly to try something completely different from a creative point of view, 'comedy'. I also had two actors from EET that I really wanted to use and whom I wrote the parts of Jay and Kay for, Ari and Kuldip. It was on EET that I noticed their on-screen chemistry, and that was something that I wanted to replicate in CWP.

I also really wanted to do a musical and having a Bollywood number about milk meant that CWP - The Movie was going to be a musical of some sort. And when I wrote the script, there was only one musician I had on my mind, the Jazz-Inspired, funk fusion master, Nick Peck.

But after shooting a feature length and seeing the problems that were encountered, I realised that this was going to need a much more holistic approach. A start up from the base up and for that I begun shooting a short film at a bus stop in Poplar.

A year has passed since that first short film debuted at the Canary Wharf Film Festival. And it has been a very eventful year. We may be coming to the point of something bigger, corporate sponsorship and our first real sniff of something far more tangible in the air. But it has not been easy sticking together, we have all had our daily commitments and of course life changes. The three of us are in very different positions from a year ago.

What will happen in the next two months to CWP? A good question. It is one that I am looking forward to. After all, seeing this project come this far, as well as loving every minute, I will continue until I see CWP on the Big Screen raking in millions of whatever currencies I can get my hands on. And it will be something that I would want to share with the three other people that have been involved so intimately with CWP from day 1. Ari, Kudip and Nick. However, as our lives come to a crossroads, there will be changes in the next month. Whatever these changes maybe, I for one want to thank from the bottom of my heart the work and the love put into CWP by everyone. Without you, CWP would have remained sitting at a bus stop in Poplar. Now, we are hopefully going to something much bigger...

Sunday, 17 August 2008

Pimp me Up!

I need a new image. My photos are getting way dated and I need something to express the new, 21st Century me...

For now, enjoy a bit of mid-nineties nostalgia!

Saturday, 16 August 2008

Mira! Spain is filled with tossers!

I love Spain, I think the country is a wonderful place. But if it wants to be taken seriously as a mature democracy, and a European Power, then behavior like this really has to go:

Spanish Team makes Slit Eyed Gesture

Grow up guys.

Edinburgh 2 - Deep Fried, Battered Haggis

Ah, the delights of the 'burgh. And part two of my Scottish fantasy was to eat Deep Fried Haggis. Say what you want, I absolutely adore the dish, in fact, it is probably the finest meal to have originated from this island (and remember, the potato is not a British staple, so few things have 'originated' from here).

It was late in the day when I found a cashpoint (they don't have them on every corner of the city) and ventured into a shop to grab my Haggis Supper. Delicious and divine it was served with a generous portion of chips and a shaking of 'salt and sauce' (NaCl and Brown Sauce).

Yep, that golden morsel of battered food is the haggis, lovingly deep fried and so confirming Scotland's reputation as the unhealthiest nation in the industrialised world. Sod it and I took my first bite into the haggis. Ah, sweet memories of childhood, on my last visit to Edinburgh when I had last tasted this feast. Back then, it wss winter and these guys really have snow.

I do not understand why there is so much hate towards haggis. Similar to a burger or a sausage, the only difference is that the Scots are not afraid to tell you EXACTLY what is inside it.

It took me less than ten minutes to complete this particular fantasy, the quickest one to obtain, but something that will live far into the distance of memory. Ah, haggis!

Friday, 15 August 2008

CWP Bondage: Larrs Grooven is Dead


It is with great sadness that I have to inform the board of Babarouge and the fans of Caution Wet Paint that our current musician, the Jazz expert Larrs Grooven has been found dead, in the Halal Butchers of the Republic of Poplar. Initial reports have placed him at the bottom of a tub of chillies, but we have not received any confirmation of this.

It is with great sadness therefore that we release our latest episode of CWP our one and only collaboration with Larrs Grooven.

CWP - Chilli (The Bondage Episode)

We have already begun to look for replacements for Larrs and have found our latest Maestro, skulling around the streets of New Addington:

He is already up and running on our very own forum and you can tell him how cute he is by Clicking Here and joining the CWP forum.

RIP Larrs Grooven. Aug 10th 2008-Aug 15th 2008

Thursday, 14 August 2008


Watch and learn a little about Caution Wet Paint:

Our interview live on the DJE179 Channel

Dom is officially a Don and all hail his sheer awesomeness and the fact that he has EVIL eyes! Wahaha! Check out his channel here:

DJE179 Channel

and of course, do not forget the Vlog365 project which he started:

VLog365 Channel


And, if you have not checked out Vlog in the Park, then why not! WATCH NOW!!!

(Normal Blogging Service about the fun and frills of Edinburgh will resume tomorrow)

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

The Edinburgh Fringe

(How Chilli replaced Milk as the food of choice on Caution Wet Paint - Here!)

(This is what Vlog in the Park looked like)

Superlatives can describe the Edinburgh Fringe far better than I. So instead, I will tell you about the one and only show that I saw during my day in Scotland's capital.

Impro Jam is just that. A comedy where the audience takes part. I knew the guy behind it, so instead of sensibly coming to watch him in London, I went instead to see him all the way in Edinburgh.

I never said I was full of clever decisions.

Now, I must admit, I am a little wary of the theatre. Snooty, twat like and poncy are my usual points of view. However, as my friend was doing this, I decided to give it a go (oh, and the fact that I had travelled the length of the UK to see it).

The first thing that you are given is a Ping Pong ball. You write your name on it and then it is put into a (drum roll) tombola. Your name is picked out and in a lottery type style, you are put on stage along with four other professional improvisers who guide you along.

Sounds great! Four peeps on stage looking god, while the punter from the audience comes on and tries his luck to upstage them. I put my name down. Join in the fun, give the guy more balls to play with in his tombola and I never get chosen anyway.

'Will Charlie please come up'

Ugh. I should have rephrased that, with my luck...

Terrified, and standing a now awkward 6ft 2in tall, I gingerly come onto the stage. Don't worry I am told, just do this. Ad luckily, we are allowed to blame the Assistant Director. If we cannot come up with a line, we can shout at him LINE and he has to do it for us.

Okay, here goes...


I have to admit, Impro Jam is f*8king hilarious. All right, I was bricking it on stage, but as soon as I got up there I just got into the swing of things. Hey, what's being live on stage compared to vlogging, MCing or meeting random guys in a park? And yeah, it was great fun! The other audience members were a hoot and we improvised topics from Tescos, to Film Noir and Shopping Channels. A kaleidoscope of culture in one hour and a great piece of entertainment. And it is something that we were a part of as well.

Check it out, Impro Jam is great and it arrives back in London, soon, if you cannot make it up to Scotland!

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Back from the 'burgh

For a far more entertaining blog, that includes El Maestro being fired, CLICK HERE!

Okay, I have spent the past twenty four hours on my feet, grroving away to the delights of Edinburgh and experiencing the festival, as well as spending far too much time on the coach there and back. But it was a magnificent trip and there were three pieces of folly that I accomplished while I was there, in fact, my three aims for my time in Edinburgh. Yep, you too can fit this much into twenty-four hours:

1) To see a show at the Fringe.
2) To eat a haggis supper.
3) To see the Forth Bridge.

And believe it or not, all three aims were accomplished in one day.

I am so groovy! Full report all this week!

Sunday, 10 August 2008

Hating China

My latest article in Ohmynews on the current spate of CHina Bashing in the lead up to this years Olympics in Beijing:

Click here for Article

Saturday, 9 August 2008

Final Whoring of Taste Asia

In other words come to Taste Asia!

Valentine's Park
(Tube: Gants Hill, Central Line)

I will be MCing from 4-6pm, but the events are on all day long from 11am! Lots of food, and fun so bring the whole family along!

After this El Director will get back to Blogging!

So, what was Vlog in the Park like?

The Video will be forthcoming, but for now, I will write a little bit about Vlog in the Park 8/8/08 and the fun we had there. Because, it really was fun. I got to meet some old faces and a whole bunch of new ones. Yes, I will be putting up a video, but only just arriving back from work and I am knackered - too many hours without sleep and the last time I slept I had a dream that I was lost in Streatham. Mitcham Lane to be precise. There is something about Mitcham Lane and myself. A connection. Maybe I was murdered there in a past life, or something along those lines.

I loved meeting people and it was great to chat about films and videos and to draw wild things on postcards. I have not had so much fun drawing in such a long time - who knew felt tips could be fun! But the most fun thing about Vlog in the Park was the freedom to just sit and chill out for a few hours. To switch off from the world. I may not be a rich man financially, but it is interesting to note how many of my contemporaries were not going to make it simply becuase of work. The fact that even if many could finish in time, they would not be able to get there on time. NHow, I really cannot show off becuase I work Nights, and they suck, but I was lucky enough to garner a little bit of free time and use it in a new way. It is nice to work to live not live to work, especially if the job we are getting paid for is S**t!

VLog in the Park, NSG, we salute you, well organised and a wicked event!

Friday, 8 August 2008

Vlog in the Park and Taste Asia

As El Director, I am absolutely whoring this event out, but if any of you guys are in the vicinity of Hyde Park tomorrow from 2pm-ish until 7pm-ish, then join us for a little bit of good time and swinging fun for Vlog in the Park.

And no fighting, please!

Final Vlog on Vlog in the Park on on Taste Asia - I promise!

I also will demerge the two blogs next week. Promise!

Thursday, 7 August 2008

Vlog 365

It looks like I have to be more blunt than normal. If you click on the following link:


You will come to a new Youtube channel. Just over a month old, it is a brilliant concept pioneered by Dom. A Vlog a year, everyday of the year, a collaboration between different youtubers. Become a regular fan and subscribe, especially as we are regular contributors to the project.

And today, it is our turn to Vlog. GO on, watch and get ready to dance to the beat of Caution Wet Paint!

Our contribution to today's Vlog365

A Quickie

BLogger is scheduled to 'out' in a few minutes so I will be brief. Two events lined up for our so caled summer.

1) Vlog in the Park. No fighting guys, we really do not want to appear in any of the free sheets.

2) Taste Asia - and I will be MC-ing here from 4pm on Sunday 10th Aug. And yes, I have planned a very cool playlist!

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Our Future from a Londoner's Point of View

Part four of my series on OhmyNews International about our future from a Londoner's P.O.V. It is amazing to think of the future through Web 2.0 and I for one am very excited about it. After all, this blog, these words that I am writing is part of that revolution...

My article for OhmyNews International.

The accompanying Video.

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

The World of Plov!

This was the place where I discovered that wonderful dish known as PLOV!

An old fashioned Blog

(in a hyper-active, posh english accent)

What is this you say? Old fashioned? Blog? Hrmph! Piff-paffle, I dare you, yes, dare you to to challenge my writing skills? Lazy, eh? Or is it because you are jealous! Jealous I tell you. Yes, I see the envy wriggle from your teeth, green in your sallow cheeks as I, ruler of all Earth from Croydon to Urumqi can be masterful and yet at the same time, coy and fun like a little puppy dog. Oh yes, spank me, harder bitch, harder! Oh yes, that is wonderfully delicious, just like the time I feasted on Plov made from my own Kazan! You can dream, but none of you mere mortals have lived until you have had the fat of a sheep drool from your lips onto the silky table cloth below. And so I leave you with these thoughts! Run! Run for lives, as I come out from all closets and say sweet nothings to my little buttercup! And to my butterscotch candy piece too! Now give me my mobile phone, I have business to conduct. Oh yes, you stabbing little bastards, I have business to conduct! And the only way to stop me is to castrate my brain from my faucet (ah, that sounds so much nicer than TAP) and wriggle your pinky finger inside until you come to the slimy bit. Hehehe!

Monday, 4 August 2008

QUick VLog, instead of Blog

The problem with having webcam is that it is far easier to vlog than it is to blog:

The VLog

Basic message is: If you are around at 1030am (London?BST) today (4th Aug) then check us out on Blog TV where we will be again, live from the set, trying to be funky and cool!

(That's 3pm/1500 Indian Time and 5.30am/05.30 EST)

Oh, and I will try not to fucking swear on-set.

Our Blog TV Profile.

Sunday, 3 August 2008

Easy like Sunday Morning...

I just saw yesterday's blog post - it is official, I was hallucinating. That second paragraph did not make sense. Hint to self: do not blog after Night Duty.

So happily not following my advice, I go straight into another blog. Quite a few things to say. This Sunday is my first Sunday free in eight months. Yep, that's right, no radio show this week (new mast being put up) and so I will actually have a lie in this morning before I get up and attempt to finish editing 'CHILI' and before I put my vocals through another Opera. Oh yes, I want to get a couple more webisodes under my belt.

By the by, if you have not done to already, head over to the TOOB and watch our latest Caution Wet Paint episode on Knife Crime. I made a mistake. On Friday night, TWO (not one) of my colleagues had stabbings on their respective buses.

CWP and Knife Crime.

Oh and also my final article on the Future of Humanity, front page of OhmyNews! And yes, there is a video for that.

The Future of Humanity: Web 2.0

And to all those that have spare bandwidth tomorrow morning at 10.30am (London Time/BST) we will be live again on Blog TV, from the film set!

Saturday, 2 August 2008

Knife Crime 2

All right, you my think I am joking about knife crime, and yes, my Video does take a comic look at knifings. However, something quite serious to add to this. As always, I was driving through some God-forsaken part of South London. I pulled up to the bus stop and saw my colleague, in front of me, halfway through the route, all his passengers on the pavement looking for a ride home, and someone to swear at.

Yep, serves me right for driving too slowly. Ah, you smell lof pancakes and waffles. No, I must go and meet....Incidently it is the second time this week that the same bus driver has witnessed a stabbing. If someone wanted to take The Red Pill, now is the time...

Friday, 1 August 2008

Knife Crime

Hell, we have all had our two cents on the debate, and one of my first articles for OhmyNews where I predicted the rise in violence unless something was done. Of course, this year, the newspapers are fulled with reports of knife crime and one of my colleagues on the Nightbus last week had a knife incident on his vehicle while driving. So far, I have been lucky not to be a direct victim of knife crime, but it is only matter of time until something happens to me that is way too close for comfort.

Yes, I am p***ed off with knife crime. I feel utterly helpless about it. And I despise te people carrying those weapons. But what more can I do. Well, I tried an article, that did not work. I tried a Radio Show and that still did not work. So I am trying a short film, and let's see how that works:

Comedy maybe a solution...

My Article for OhmyNews in January on Knife Crime

Caution Wet Paint takes on Knife Crime: A Video