Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Vlog's Up?

This is quite simply the most talebted piece of youtubing and vlogging since sliced bread. The opinions of the masses ad more importantly, the wackiness of Caution Wet Paint mixed in with some very talented people...

Our first Vlog's Up Video

The Vlog's Up Channel

Check it out and enjoy the fun...

The Cookie Crisis

'The Really Tubby Cookie Company' has been bailed out by the British Government to the tune of GBP40-Billion after last minute talks to save the company from collapse as a result of the Cookie Crunch that is sweeping the Global Biscuit Markets.

A spokesperson for H.M. Treasury had this to say on the controversial decision to intervene to stop what could have been the largest squishing of dough in the history of baking.

'Cookies are fundamental to the structure of the modern day diet. To have let 'Really Tubby' go under would have meant a devastating effect on the world as we know it. For could we, as a society, really function without the fresh injection of cookies into the system. Virtually every British household would have been adversely affected had this deal not gone ahead.'

Lord Fat Cat of 'The Really Tubby Cookie Company' is set to step down admitting that 'grave errors of judgement' had been made during his four month tenure at the head of Europe's largest dealer in Biscuit and Biscuit Based Commodities. Thanks to the lucrative contract that he was handed out and thanks to the lack of government care into how taxpayers money is spent (after all, Lord Fat Cat is a generous donor to the Government's Political Party) Lord Fat Cat will stand down retaining his share options, a GBP2-Million pay-off, a villa in the South of France and his chalet in the Swiss Alps as well as a free car parking space in the City of Westminster.

Quite how the Cookie Crisis exploded so spectacularly in the face of 'The Really Tubby Cookie Company' remains shocking now with 'hindsight'. Quite simply, 'Really Tubby' was handing out Cookies to anyone who waved a piece of paper saying 'IOU, Promise!'. Without the proper research into the Crunch Rating of individuals or companies, 'Really Tubby' lent out far more than it received and in the end, when liquidity in the Global Biscuit Market felt the lack of milk, 'The Really Tubby Cookie Company' was left without any biscuits in the tin.


It remains to be seen how the crumbs from this latest bite into the Cookie Market will be received by traders when the exchanges reopen this Monday.


Now guys, this great piece of satire was on the Caution Wet Paint Blog over the weekend.

Yes, I have two blogs, this one right here and the award nominated Caution Wet Paint Blog. So if you do not know about the Caution Wet Paint Blog then click HERE to see why we have been nominated as the best humour blog at the blognet awards.

Then afterwards, VOTE FOR US AT THE BLOGNET AWARDS! Because I am so sexy and cool...really, we are...xxx cmd


Do not forget, subscribe to the Caution Wet Paint Blog and see why we are soooo funny. Wahaha!

Monday, 29 September 2008

Crossings over the River Thames 16: Battersea Bridge

(This one's for Sam - I know she loves this part of London)

This is the most accident-prone bridge in London. Every few years a barge decides to hit the bridge, the most recent being in 2005. The roads around Battersea are themselves fairly unsafe due to the sheer number of railway lines that dominate the landscape in the area. But enough of accidents, we are looking at the bridge. And this bridge marks the end of London's classiest bus route:

(Why oh why doesn't the 19 run to Clapham Junction?)

On my epic journey through London, Battersea Bridge marks the beginning of 'Real London'. For where else do you get eccentric Victorian elegance matched by today's drive for more road space. For this is London's narrowest River Crossing at 40 feet.

The area around Battersea Bridge is a little bit strange itself. To the north of the river lies the residencies of Chelsea while to the south is the 'bustling village' of Battersea, on of the few times that 'Saawf London' is busier than 'Noorf London'.

After the dire sense of hopelessness at Wandsworth, Battersea provided some respite for the soul. It is crazier, compact, almost claustrophobic and yet, is fun to cross. What became a chore for me, a mission to see the River Thames suddenly brightened up. Maybe I am reflecting on what was a dire summer in London, but the sun did manage to shine ever so briefly that day and here was the hope of the journey ahead...

And yes the bridge itself is pretty. It is the little details that count. Something that would seem a complete waste of time and money today, was once upon a time a flourish upon functionality:

Possibly my favourite crossing to date, Battersea Bridge is a place that I use far too often but have never had the time to appreciate. Sometimes I forget the reasons why I started this journey through London, but it is at times like now, that I am glad that I made the choice to step away from the rat race and to actually appreciate the city I live in. Well, might as well take advantage while you can, you ever know what the future may bring...

Getting there and away:

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Crossings of the River Thames: The Round-Up!

So far on this journey through London, I have crossed the Thames at the following places, by foot:

Hampton Ferry
Hampton Court Bridge
Kingston Bridge
Teddington Lock
Ham Ferry
Richmond Bridge
Twickenham Bridge
Richmond Lock
Kew Bridge
Chiswick Bridge
Barnes Railway Bridge
Hammersmith Bridge
Putney Bridge
Fulham Railway Bridge
Wandsworth Bridge

And still to come are the following crossings:

Battersea Bridge
Albert Bridge
Chelsea Bridge
Vauxhall Bridge
Lambeth Bridge
Westminster Bridge
Hungerford Bridge
Waterloo Bridge
Blackfriars Bridge
Millennium Bridge
Southwark Bridge
London Bridge
Tower Bridge
Rotherhithe Tunnel
Canary Wharf-Rotherhithe Ferry
Greenwich Foot Tunnel
Woolwich Ferry
Woolwich Foot Tunnel

When I first started this project over a year ago, I never though I would come anywhere close to completing it and thought this would fizzle out, pretty much like any other online promise made. However, so far so good, I have stuck at this, with every month dedicated to a crossing, except last month's report that became the photo fest of the Forth Bridge.

It has also bee an interesting tour through West London, and taken at a time when the area was booming economically, Now of course, we *know* better and while I am traveling through 'classic' London, I am also going through the city at a point of prfound change. Quite how society will end up as I get to Woolwich will be interesting to see...

Saturday, 27 September 2008

On the Radio this weekend

I normally do not advertise the NuTalent spot on NuSound Radio. For the uninitiated it is a show where new musicians get to showcase their talent 6-7pm every Sunday during my radio show on NuSound 92FM. Anyway, the reason I normally do not advertise the spot is that there is a good chance that the musicians in question will turn up late or will not even turn up at all. It is the unreliability of musicians that:

a) leaves me with very little respect for musicians
b) stops me from plugging them on this blog.

However, I will take a risk with the legendary Jazz Vocalist Mariel Grande who is coming on my show this Sunday. For those not in the know, she is one of the best singers around (I have seen her live) and her latest album is simply wonderful.

As I said, I normally do not plug my guests, but this one is very talented. So tune in tomorrow for the NuTalent Spot from 6-7pm and check out Mariel's music HERE. Her album is one of the few must buys that I can recommend this year...

Friday, 26 September 2008

The End of these Bastards? I wish...

Hopefully this bail ou by the US Govt. will not go through. Such is my esteemed hate towards subsidising the global economy. Of course it will go through, everyone is too spineless to see another 1929. And of course, watch out for our own version of drip feeding the rich, coming soon from the Bank of England...

Thursday, 25 September 2008

The Comfort Zone

Feeling like life is going nowhere? Victim of the credit crunch? Just plain old sad? Well, you need comfort food!

Yes, sticky Banoffee Pie followed by a cold glass of milk. Mmm, feel the cholesterol levels kick in. And don't worry about having a body for summer. For in England, there is no summer! So lard out and enjoy...

(Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for the state of your own internal organs after ingesting this much sugar and fat. Except for the milk, and even then, lactose intolerance looms, there is no part of that picture that is good for you, except for the temporary increase in serotonin levels, mainly due to the 'banana' in the said food. Expect a big come down an hour after consuming this food. Not suitable for diabetics, or those recovering from illness. You have been warned, now EAT!)

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Celebrating the Morning Commute

Britain is a great country, at east if the history books and the propaganda serves me correctly. But even if we look beyond that, this cold insignificant piece of rock in the North Atlantic has punched far above its weight in terms of global impact. Possibly its greatest export, the English language, is used today as the world's main communication tool. We can also look at modern democratic government and laws, fair trials, modern urban living, industrialisation, the modern banking economy (actually now is not eh best time to celebrate that invention), the jet engine, computing, the internet, modern multiculturalism, music, theatre anything. The list is endless, and I am not a fan of this country (blame the crappy summer for my current feelings towards the UK).

Of course, did we use any of these wonderful traits, expressions of our nationality, to showcase ourselves at the closing ceremonies for the Olympic and Paralympic games? Of course not. Instead, we decided to celebrate the morning commute.

Oh dear, how pathetic. The best we could come up with was a bunch of miserable, damp faces staring at their newspapers/gossip rags on their way to a job which they despise and the only relief from their lifestyle is a Friday night at the pub pickling their liver.

We might as well slapped on an a snippet of Eastenders and called it 'Life in the Olympic Zone' such was the accuracy of London's contribution to the closing ceremony.

Or was it? That is the saddest thing to ask ourselves. Was that closing ceremony an accurate description of all of us. Is that the highlight of our lives. The morning commute? As we settle down to another day in the office, many of us hurtling towards the end of our twenties, we have to ask ourselves, is this as good as it gets. When 2012 does come round, we would have suffered through four years of recession, four years of the same old tripe. And is the highlight of our lives Friday night in the pub. If so, how alcoholic are we.

These questions are not difficult, but I hate asking myself these questions everyday. I look at myself and I think, well, I am not exactly in a great position myself. At the same time, I am trying to become more than the sum of my parts, trying to push myself everyday (and that's why I was sick for the last week or so). But I have always maintained, I remember twenty-four wild hours awake with more clarity than the best night's sleep.

In four years time the world is going to see a city in freefall, struggling with the expense of the Olympic games. Most of us are going to be a part of this system, moaning, not happy with our lives, but still commuting every morning on the bus. But how many of us are going to say NO to this system?

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

What Credit Crisis?

W/Bankers, do not worry. We know you have made mistakes. We know that over the past fifteen years, you have paid yourselves stinking bonuses on the back of loans made to people who blatantly should not be let near a credit card/personal loan/mortgage. But hey, it does not matter. For Gordon is here. To save the day. After all, this is the time bomb that he built, it cannot detonate, at least not before 2010! His legacy was the fact that in every household under Labour, all citizens evolved into consumers. Now HD/Widescreen/Surround Sound was no longer the preserve of our modern day heroes the footballers and their wives, but were now in reach of the ordinary worker, armed with a credit card and a free Sunday spent queuing for the car park in their local town/shopping centre. For who needs religion when all our needs are served by new clothes, fast food and a hundred and one different Mp3 platers that come in different colours? (my fave - pink)

Oh yes, do not worry. For unlike the 4000 workers at Longbridge that only needed a measly £100 million, we will give you BILLIONS in order to prop up your opulent lifestyles and we will not ask you awkward questions such as:

1) Where did the profits over the last fifteen years go?
2) Where is the money that we (the taxpayer) are lending you going to?
3) Why instead of lending, aren't we, the taxpayer taking a stake in your failed companies?
4) Why in times of good, government is bad for capitalism, but in times of bad, government is the only thing propping up this rotting carcass?
5) Why anyone cares for you people when it is you lot that have quite happily sent millions of jobs into extinction in order to save yourself a few pennies?


I am actually a fan of capitalism. It does work. For when you are corrupt, capitalism has a marvelous way of eventually finding out (it is called the credit crisis). Unfortunately, capitalism does not work when government intervenes, and no more is it true when the bad times hit. The bottom line is this: There is a lot of rotten companies in this country that have built themselves up on an unsustainable mountain of bad debt. Now there are two ways out of this. The debt is paid off. Impossible, it is not going to happen. Secondly, bankruptcies and so the debt is cancelled. This IS what is going to happen. As the government is subsidising these companies, the taxpayer has suddenly got tangled in the money lending business.

For those personally in debt, the next few years are going to be hard, but then, you have had a great party all these years. Those TV's, Holidays, Homes and Booze had to come from somewhere. For those not in debt, well, just sit back and relax. And do not save, inflation will wipe out anything you put away. Just work and spend, and watch as this crisis implodes on itself. For there is not just billions in personal debt, but trillions. In other words, if the government is serious about getting involved in the financial system, then it is going to have to sink that amount of money into this bloated system.

And this recession is going to last YEARS. Not a few months (hope in hell) but a good long five years. Anyone who is around 16/17 now, get set to take advantage of the world's biggest free-for-all once the recovery begins. For the rest of us, tough luck, you were born at the wrong time of the economic cycle.

Thursday, 18 September 2008

Yes, I am Sick.

If you need your daily blog fix, then head over here to the CWP Blog where Oli, Kuldip, Nick and Ari have been providing a far better quality of blog post than I can ever possibly manage. Thank you guys! (Note where the REAL talent of CWP comes from) Also my poor mother has had to put up with my awful temper and yes, I am a bad patient. Blogs will be patchy on here until October.


Right, this is what has happened to me. I am burnt out. Last time I was sick, it was in 2006 and everything stopped in my life for four months as I recovered from the evils of Mosquitoes. This is not quite that bad, but the fact that a simple 'flu has manifested itself into a serious mouth infection. Serious as in eating solids is nearly impossible for me due to the excruciating pain. If you do not like grisly details, do not worry, but suffice to say, this is not a normal set of events for a healthy non-smoking/non-drinking man who exercises regularly, eats five-a-day since childhood, etc, etc...

So, I am going to take another week of doing the bare minimum. When I return, I want to return closer to 100% not at some half-way house who will become sick in November for another couple of weeks. So blog posts on here will be patchy, but before September ends I promise to cover Battersea Bridge, the Credit Crisis (haha!) and the fact that most of China now believes that London is obsessed with the morning commute (laughing stock never seemed more apt. than now). And anyway, you do not need me, when there is Caution Wet Paint!

To all those trying to get in contact with me, APOLOGIES, I am on the case! My inbox has swollen up (almost as much as my mouth - haha? - well, if I cannot laugh at myself, then I will simply cry) and I want to reply ASAP. Give me time, I will get through to everybody. Eventually.

Projects. Well, apart from CWP, the other projects are going to be delayed until November. That's life, and realistic. I would love to say sooner, but I would rather disappoint now that again in a couple of weeks time. The other projects are looking exciting, and so more will be revealed in the film making world of Charles Michel Duke...

Once again, thanks for all the kind messages, and sorry for not getting back sooner! And if you want to know why I still do CWP, then look at what the guys and gals have been upto this week! You lot are the greatest!

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Update on disease(s)

Sore Throat.
Chesty Cough
Bouts of Fever
High Temperature
Loss of Appetite

Fairly bog standard.

Oh, and my gums swollen up to the extent that it is an effort for me to talk (a miracle some may say) and extremely painful to eat solid foods.

The doctor took one brief look at my gob before hitting the perscription pad. No questions asked.

So, when I can eat properly again, I'll be back to reality.

Me, not eat or talk! Oh man!

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

I hate disease!

One of the things that I am most hppy about is my health. Which is why this week, I really hate the world at large. After four days of fevers and flu, I now have a mouth swollen up all on the inside. Essentially, I feel like crap. So much so, the doctor gave me the antibiotics without a second thought. Yeah, I must feel like crap.

So apologies if this week, I am not on top of my game. I have received a lot of letters and packages and I have opened nothing yet, such is the pitiful nature of my own strength. Like any man, when I become sick, the world has to know. And so I am telling you world, ME SICK!!!

I should be back in a week or so, but this is burn out, pure and simple...

Sunday, 14 September 2008

El Director Cries

I am sick. Like any man, I do not deal well with illness. Ugh, the fact that I am not sleeping or eating properly and going to work means that burnout is only minutes away...help!

There was a proper blog post planned, but I have not got the strength.

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Snake Dance (ah what CWP does to us!)

(I have let my sister aka La Producer take over today's blog posting)

Hello everyone!! Ok as you know I am impartial to random dance vlogs and since I had not done a vlog for a little while as La Producer, I thought I would treat you all to my snake dance!

The snake dance was inspired by the original Snake Dance vlog by Kuldip Nandola aka KAY so take a look and see how I was inspired! Also if you feel inspired why not join in and do a Caution, Wet Paint Kay's Snake Vlog?? Would love to see all you dance moves - just post it as a response to the Snake Dance on our Caution Wet Paint youtube channel

If you also liked the lace camisole - I made it!! It is made of back cotton and red lace!! Am also styling out my leopard at night necklace!

For more information, please message me or take a look at Twisted Knickers

La Producer x

Friday, 12 September 2008

The Blognet Awards!

The Vlog does the Talking!

Vote for us (if you think we are good enough) at the blognet awards: Vote here

And if any of my readers have a blog, tell me, and I will add you to my blogroll!

Enjoy the ride...oh and for the final ingredient to Caution Wet Paint, click here!

Thursday, 11 September 2008

The Right Decision?

(And for something that involves dancing and frivolity click here

My head says it is the right decision. Simple common sense. Practical too. Look around at examples from friends and family and it is perfectly sensible what I am doing. It is all right and yes, despite the doubts, I know that this is right.

But those doubts. It is not just a little thing, but a huge engulfing chasm. Every sinew in my body is clawing to go in the other direction, away from common sense and decency into something unknown and scary. But one thing keeps me away and that is this, what I do, my filming. For somewhere, in the deepest recesses of my soul, I cannot leave this calling behind. I tried it once and failed miserably, coming back like a dog with my tail between my legs and a pen in my hand, scribbling notes. From that day on, I knew what I had to do; for better or for worse.

And so I am going to continue to follow my head rather than my heart. But of all the decisions I have made in order to pursue my dream of film making, this could be the most foolish one to make...

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Why Blog?

A good question, considering that it is an almost daily occurrence for me. While the CWP blog is updated purely for the wackiness of the Paint, this particular blog can often take a very different hue. Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, I always seem to flip the blogs according to my emotive state as well as the promotional ideology behind my thinking at the time. At the moment, I am not feeling that great. As I am always very disconcerting about my personal life, it is highly unlikely that I will use this blog as a sounding board directly for what I feel. However, this is when my writing comes into play. Some have said to me that my misery can be my muse and often it is for me. Sometimes I cannot help but stop myself from writing excessive amounts of work when I feel this way.

But of course, life is not all hum drum and glum! In fact, life is beautiful and there is a lot of things going on, in particular the blogging world of CWP!

We are up for the Blognet awards and yes, we would like to win, but more importantly, you get to choose. If you believe Caution Wet Paint deserves the accolade, then great! However, there are many great individuals up for the nomination and it is great to see the wealth of talent available. And remember, just like myself, it is ingenuity not cash that funds their projects. So check them out here at the blognet awards and discover the welath of talent out there.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Back to Reality

Sometimes we take time out and we let go of the world. Sometimes it is needed, to make ourselves see the world better. Sometimes it is more important than just a simple recharge of the batteries but to actually look at life in a different perspective. It is hard and it is scary to let go of these moments, of pure unadulterated freedom. To let go emotionally and spiritually is something that is hard for many of us in this performance related world.

But life moves on, and I am ultimately self serving and selfish. I know my faults and I also know what I want. I do not like to compromise either, but for better or for worse it is the person that I am right now. But on thing, it has been emotional.

Monday, 8 September 2008

Big Deal here - VOTE for US! Please...

Please! We, need your help. You see, the blog from Caution Wet Paint has a nomination for the best humour blog at this years Blognet Awards...

Click here to vote!

Oh please, oh please, oh please! For the love of humanity! Vote for us and make us happy! Otherwise we will KILL you. Yes, KILL! KILL all humans. Especially the ones from Croydon...hahaha...

(oh, and if you are wondering about the ingredients of CWP, then click here)

Sunday, 7 September 2008

The ingredients behind CWP...

Over here on the CWP Blog we are going to spend the next week looking at what makes a good webisode:

Just like a cake, there are many ingredients to Caution Wet Paint. And over the next week I will share with you some of the assorted flavours that make up the steaming tasty buns that you can view all the time, whenever you want, right here...

Some are wonderful titbits, some tastes may have to be acquired. But just like marmite, it is irresistible. Unless, of course, you do not like marmite (FREAKS!)

So join the Blog Net Award nominated blog all next week, for a little peek into all things kinky...

Saturday, 6 September 2008

All Sports on the Web - Home to Canada's Iciest Sports!

One of the first people I met online was Walter who runs the great All Sports on the Web, a great site that reports on extreme sports, especially Ice Hockey. Before stumbling across this page, I did not a clue about the huge sports scene in Canada, but now, we are well educated on the subject of 'Hockey'. Also, it's just loads of fun!

You'll see the link when you scroll down the page, or just click here!

All Sports on the Web! Home to Canada's Iciest Sports

Friday, 5 September 2008

Hello World! (Part 3)

Talk about spreading the tentacles, but I have decided to spread 'El Director's' Blog onto its third platform. It all began very humbly with this post on my humble myspace site, nearly two years ago. From being a sideline in my film making world, blogging became much more serious and an outlet creatively as well as being a sounding board for myself. I then migrated to a second platform, the ubiquitous Blogspot, child of google and master of the universe, partly out of frustration from the poor service offered by myspace. My first on 'Blogger' was very different, had a little more substance and a lot more ranting.

So, in my third incarnation of my blog, here on Wordpress, I wanted to start on something different. A bit of philosophy on a Friday evening here in London town.

Many of us have finished our holidays. Maybe we were abroad, maybe we were staying at home. Come rain or shine, many of us took the opportunity to do something different, to see the world in a different light and many of us experienced something a little more than the norm. More than the New Year, Autumn is the time that we really take stock of our lives. The big question to ask is that how many of us actually act on such impulses? Returning to work in the Autumn, the impressions made on us during our travels fade into insignificance as we continue the commute, the humdrum and eventually drown it out on a Friday night.

Well, this is a call. Try it, something new, something scary and something different. We, each of us, have it inside of us to make our mark on this world, to reverberate into infinity and to make a mark for something good! It is scary, it is dangerous and yes more than just a little crazy. But let us continue that holiday spirit and make it so much more! After all, we have nothing to loose but our commute!

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Vlog 365!

Vlog 365 is a big part of the CWP world. Not only because we are given a louder platform, but we are also privileged to share it with some very talented people!

Our Vlog365 Offering

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Rip off Summer

Does anyone else feel ripped off by this year's lack of summer? Following the monsoons of last year and this year's winter-like conditions, does anyone else feel that we have been cheated out of something special. Feel sorry for the kids, yeah, but feel sorry for the whole population. No sunshine, the nights are already creeping in and there is no hope fr even a blast from the Sahara this September. Just nine months of overcoats and thermal undies to look forward to until, maybe next year, there could be a little something more...

So who do we blame? La Nina, the economy, or even the government?

It would be easy to blame someone, but the fact is that 2008 was a rotten year in terms of the weather, and it has made me feel absolutely miserable and I am sure that many others in London feel cheated. The ultimate question to ask, Is this as good as it gets?

Monday, 1 September 2008

Time 3

Today is the 1st September. Summer is over (it really never existed in london this year) and yes, we no longer have 2008 to hold onto. VIva 2009?

Hard to believe, but the first decade of the twenty-first century is coming to an end. And that begs to answer the question, where the f**k did the last ten years go? Add to that, where is my flying hover car? Haha! oh the sixties - spoilt hippies and cheap petrol!

Time is constant, but that is bull as it is I who experiences time and this year has been the fastest year of the lot. Added to that the feeling that life is getting ever more futile and this has not been one of my grea years.

All right, a lot of deaths have happened in the family recently and the war in Sri Lanka does not ease my mind (too many relatives stuck in the war zone), but the feeling of helplessness grows ever deeper as life passes by. The question I bg to ask,

'Is this as good as it gets?'

could result in a terrifying yes.

When you have (potentially) life ahead of you, worries are non-existent. But seeing loved ones fall by the wayside, you begin to realise that this is it. There is only one shot in life and then it is gone. I am trying, but do I have enough time to succeed?