Saturday, 2 May 2009

Body Talk

Feet, stinky you may be, large you may be, but thank you for bearing the weight of this gargantuan body.

Legs, precious legs. Always striding, never failing. Keep on carrying me until the end of my days.

Knees. Knobbly. But I like them.

Crotch. Hehe, you have ruled my decisions for far too long!

Butt. I sit on you far too much, sometimes at work, sometimes on the sofa. But you are particularly firm ;)

Tummy. Mmm, I spend too much time succumbing to your desires. A foodie I am, but you give me a great deal of pleasure.

Belly Button. Thank you for being an 'inny'.

Chest. String, always breathing. The home of my lungs and the keeper of my heart. Thank you for taking the knocks of life in your stride, but man you are susceptible to sickness. Will you be the cause of my undoing?

Neck. Long and twisty, you are useful for my oversized head!

Left arm - thank you for being my contact with the world!

Right arm, thank you for allowing me to trick the world!

Left hand. Five digits, that is all you are, but without you my life would be over. Humanity may view you with suspicion, but you may well be my favourite appendage. Expression of my mind and emotions, you will be, until my dying day, my best friend and contact with the outside world.

Right hand. Sometimes you may be useless, but you help me adapt to the rest of humanity and make me realise that I am not an island in this world.

Shoulders. You're good for barging people out of the way, but can also support the heads of many.

Head. Well, you have my brain, and although over ruled by my more primal body parts, have not done too badly.


magiceye said...

objective body analysis!

Larrs Grooven said...

This got me thinking about applying object-driven engineering to humans...

for goodness sake - nobody try and compile this or we're all screwed...
import java.util.ArrayList;
import java.util.Random;
import limbs;
import torso;
import head;
//import brain; /* optional */

public class Charles_Micheal_Duke extends class El_Director

private integer hunger;
private long_integer belly;

* Constructor for objects of class Charles_Micheal_Duke
public Charles_Micheal_Duke()
hunger = -100;
belly = ((hunger /2) * Pi) squared;

public method feedMe(doughnuts Doughnuts)
for (each doughnut in collection Doughnuts)
hunger = hunger + 1;
return hunger;

public method Swearbox()
abuse = new ArrayListTYPEString();
randomGenerator = new Random();

abuse.add(”Generic abuseLine1”);
abuse.add(”Generic abuseLine2”);
abuse.add(”Generic abuseLine3”);
abuse.add(”Generic abuseLine4”);

int index = randomGenerator.nextInt(3);
String response = abuse.get(index);
return response;

public method writeScript()
import monkeys!

monkeys = new LinkedListTYPEMonkeys(100);
string script = "";

import infinate_time!

while (infinate_time! == true)
for (each monkey in collection Monkeys)
script += (;
return script;

private method innerThoughts()


Asad said...


P.S. Right on re: the belly button...

el director! said...

@magiceye it was done a lot on youtube last year, so i caught up with the fad on a different medium ;)

@laars - dmn doughnuts!

@asad - you know that innies are so much more civilised!