Friday, 26 February 2010

London Diary (18)

Hopes, dreams and a lack of heating.

I don't like it, but at 4am, everything was still. No matter how much I prodded, fiddled and banged, nothing. And so one free phone call and off I am to bed. The gas man will not be coming for a few hours and it is cold tonight.

My dreams were listless. Confusing too. I was wandering through the night, but without any purpose. Any sense of who I was and what I was doing. A metaphor for my life? I don't know. I was woken up when the gas man rang this morning.

Fatigue. I feel the strength zapped from my body. Life is not hard, the work I do is not back breaking, but it is thankless. Day, after day of mind numbing living. Get up, toilet, eat, chew the cud, go to work, eat some more, come back home and back to bed. Day after day, year after year. Is it worth it?

My tea was cold as I sipped it. Cold tea was never a pleasant thing I always tried to recreate the magic of spiced chai, but somehow, the combination of spices just never seemed right. Or maybe I should be using condensed milk.

You know, I really miss the taste of condensed milk. Great survival food, I once had a whole can to myself while trekking. This was back in the days when I was more hopeful about the world, a world filled with endless possibilities and the ability to swallow a can of cream without flinching. I may be the same person physically, but spiritually, within, I am a million miles removed from that man. Failure and drudgery have worn down my spirit with far greater effect than any physical demmand...

2 comments:

Asad said...

Condensed milk is underrated, but then the world is a cruel place...

magiceye said...

routines can be debilitating