Thursday, 6 May 2010

How to Vote then, personal thoughts on the whole f**k up

Register with your local council. The disadvantage of this is that you are then forced to pay Council Tax, but once every so often you get to mark an 'X' in a box like some indentured labourer signing a contract for his servitude in some far flung colony (that will be another story, another day).

Next, walk to your local Polling Booth. Our last PM had a great rep for this photo op. Mine is not as elegant, but this is where I get to go to cast my 'X'.

Hop inside and smile at the scowling volunteer who will scratch your name off from the register. At this point, if you have already posted off your vote, then do not worry as electoral fraud is only limited to the mickey mouse elections such as the Houses of Parliament.

You will get given a sheet of paper or if there are two elections going on that day (say for your local council as well as the great stinking house of crap on the Thames) you will get two sheets of paper.

On this sheet are a bunch of names that you do not recognise and a box, where you mark an 'X' to the person who you despise the least.

What you really want to do is write something like WANKERS on your ballot paper, but that means your vote is not counted. Of course, there is no box which allows you to vote for 'None of the Above', so if you want to protest at the system without finding yourself at our Iranian inspired Anti-Terror Legislation, then this is the only chance you get.

Go back home, or to work and wait 24 hours. After that, these little pieces of papers are counted, filtered and tumble dried until one politician is elected to receive public funds in order to fatten their own wallets.


The last five years have been hilarious. First, our great leader told us that he was comforted by God in his invasion of Iraq. Next, he increased the time that you, me or any other decent person could spend in jail because they did not agree with his God. Next, we had a coronation whereby a new leader was shoved in. He decided to bail out his buddies in the banks and drag our country into the kind of debts that, if they are lucky, my children may be able to pay off.

So I look forward to the next five years. Probably a new leader, flush with cash from Belize. Instead of ID Cards, there will be some new pet project to line his buddies pockets. Probably the privatisation of the NHS to someone or something.

I give up. I hate the lot of them. Bastards. Oh and instead of a terror suspect, I will probably become an Internet suspect or something over the next five years of ruling comedy. It would be funny, if only they did not filch so much money from us...

I do appreciate the fact that I am able to vote. Not so much because there is a great list of candidates to choose from, but because there is a fundamental freedom in this country, despite the best efforts of politicians everywhere to take away those freedoms during the course of my lifetime. Basically I can spout what I want about those idiots and not worry about going to jail. Of course, if I mention something like 'Osama Bin Laden gives great Head', I will probably find the Anti-Terror squad on my doorstep, but that is a different matter...

None of the political parties have answered what I want to know about the economy, the real pressing subject, during the entire course of this election. Therefore, I am casting my vote in ignorance of what is going to effect me the most – my wallet. Instead, I am casting my vote based on personality and fringe issues such as what colour should they paint the local town hall. Such has been the cult of personality that all our political classes projects to us, thinking that we are an ignorant mass of tax payers. It is a wonder that any of us bother to turn out and cast that 'X'...


magiceye said...


loved this rant!!!!

i might want to use it during our elections too!!!!

el director! said...

@magiceye - i think we share very similar views - we love our democracies but hate the politicians who pervert it for their own whims. oh, and you can quote as much of this post as much as you want ;)