Wednesday, 9 March 2011

The Blog of El Director - Terms and Conditions:

Please read the terms of conditions of this blog, as set out below, before proceeding to consume this great piece of information and wisdom from El Director:

1. You agree that by reading this blog, that this is all due to the original thought of Charles Michel Duke aka El Director who shall be forthwith referred to within these terms as The Kinky One.

2. By continuing to read this blog you agree to supply The Kinky One with a towel on demand. No matter where you live in this world, universe or dimension, you, the reader, will be required to produce (in person) a perfectly creased towel to The Kinky One should he so choose to demand of you, the reader, a towel.

3. According to the Laws of Physics, on reading this blog, you must hum the theme tune to Caution Wet Paint. Click here to find out more about Caution Wet Paint and to discover the theme tune behind the Paint*.

4. Not humming along the theme tune of Caution Wet Paint will result in the termination of your brain. You have been warned.

5. On reading this blog, you must learn how to cook Plov. It is of no concern to The Kinky One whether you are a vegetarian or not, you must cook Plov. Here is a recipe for Plov as revealed by The Kinky One. Now go and cook. Especially the vegetarians...

6. You are required, on reading this blog, to look up at the sky occasionally. Just do it!

7. I love you and love me, but let us keep this love strictly platonic. Stalkers and stalkies are very welcome, but should you choose to stalk me, then keep in mind that you should at least tell me that you are stalking me using the comment box below. Otherwise, you do not even reach the level of stalking, merely that of a Peeping Tom**.

8. Should you so wish to terminate your readership of this blog, be aware that I will spank you. Repeatedly. As I enjoy a good spanking, you can also spank me should you choose to continue reading this blog***.

9. This blog is bound the laws of all sane nations around the world. As a result you may not use this blog to create or distribute the following:
Nuclear, Biological or Chemical Weapons, Bad Haircuts or Pie unless the pie is to be consumed by The Kinky One.

10. Enjoy your blogging experience courtesy of The Kinky One. Under pain of the evil eye...


* - The musician formerly known as Lars Grooven is exempt from humming anything as he is a chilli fanatic and is now pickled.

** - Actualy I like stalkers, except the ones that want to kill me. Comment is free, use the box provided...

*** - I also have a foot fetish. There, I have admitted all my dirty secrets to this world.