Monday, 14 March 2011
Reasons to like London...
The sun is shining outside, and so I feel a little more optimistic than normal. So here are my top five reasons to like this great city of mine, affectionately known as London Town...
1 - Nowhere else on Earth is more of a rip off.
There may be places on Earth more expensive, but here in London, you can be certain that you are getting conned at the highest possible standards. This is not due to war or terror or even a lack of space, but due to artificial inflation based on profit. Marvelous!
2 - A Saturday Night on the Tiles.
In every part of the world, people go out, have a drink or two, boogie the night away and go home in the early hours of Sunday morning. Not here in London, we do things far better. Only in London is your life actually at risk on a Saturday night. From stabbings and drive-by shootings to getting your head kicked in on the pavement on the street outside the club, it is truly a thrilling experience to survive a weekend in London. Who needs bungee jumping? To boot, we are at home and in bed by 5am - now that is efficiency!
3 - The weather.
No other city on Earth has managed to base an entire economic system on the weather. In many parts of the world people get up and go to work. But here in London, the utmost care is taken to scrutinise and study meterelogical phenomena. From the BBC to old wives tales, the weathe ris a continuous source of joy to all the inhabitants of London.
4 - The Passive Nature.
Here in London, you will never meet such polite and quiet people. Get onto any tube train and ask a passenger for directions. Most likely, you will be met with a look of shock that you are talking to him/her. By the time you manage to wangle an answer, you would have missed your stop and will have to backtrack. How very considerate of the Londoner. You see, you get to see even more of the city, a free tour (never mind about missing your flight at Heathrow).
5 - ...
Look, it may be sunny, but I am not that optimistic, okay?
Enjoy your Monday!