Thursday, 7 July 2011

London Diary 47

I miss back home.

It is a thing that many immigrants, like me, say.

That is an odd thing, eh? Immigrant. With such perfect English. Well, that's because I am thinking this and not speaking.

I miss back home.

So why did I come to London?

And more importantly, why am I still here?

There are many reasons. Hey, I wanted to improve my English, I wanted to see the bright lights of London, I was attracted by the glamour of the lifestyle that was my youth.

Or maybe because back home was so shit...nay, is still so shit...that London was a better place, in fact anywhere was better. London had the opportunities that a girl from a small town could take advantage of.

And it is London that will be the death of me.

Death.

That is something that is always on my mind.

So why don't I go back home, if London is so shit.

Fear and shame. Fear of the unknown. Back home is...no longer home. Ad shame. The shame over what I became when I left home. Not that I am any different from that girl who left all those years ago. But I know, when I go back, I will be spat on, and ground into the Earth like a rabid dog.

But I still miss back home. Even though London is now very much...my home...

2 comments:

magiceye said...

poignant

IsarSteve said...

I'm an immigrant too.. and an economic migrant at that..

I arrived in Germany at the height of Thatcher's power.. I hated her, hated what (I thought) she was doing to Britain.

I knew right from the moment I stepped on German soil that 'this' is where I was going to live .. and not doubt die..

Things like this happen in life .. and what a boring life it would be if that didn't happen..

All those things I've learnt including the Language and with it another way of thinking, as well as all those I've met, loved and lost and places I've seen and lived..

I wouldn't want to have missed it!

Maybe it was me who needed to leave London to make space for you? :o)